i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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