my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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