Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
