i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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