her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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