i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
