she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
