Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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