Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
