Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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