Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
