I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
