Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
