There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
