Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We are two peas in an std pod
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
