So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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