woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
