What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
