so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
