Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
