Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
