I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
