He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
