Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My friends, they love my intelligence
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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