If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
