And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
