if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
