i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
third nipple confirmed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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