someone owes me an orgasm
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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