why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
