I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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