A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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