it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
