i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
