ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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