Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
