im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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