you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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