i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
