i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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