I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
