my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
