someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
