what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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