I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
