You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
