I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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