Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
