I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
