I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
