I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
