Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
